WHY MEN CHEAT? – A BONE OF CONTENTION

Yubedee Pyamene Anokari

‘All men are cheats, all men are dogs.’

These are particularly the opinions of ladies who have been lied to, cheated on and played. And considering all these, one is tempted to buy into their sentiments. But more often than not, you can’t necessarily blame these men for their actions – they are already tagged ‘dogs’, so funnily enough, they tend to act accordingly.

But the question still remains, why do men cheat? It is a fact that even men married to the socially ideal women, body-wise and economically, still cheat. How about the clerics who hold onto religious doctrines but are still accused of infidelity.

What then really is wrong with men? Were they created that way or they just learnt to be that way. These and more, are the questions resonating in the shattered hearts of bittered females as their partners cheat on them; most times, for no obvious reasons.

Carrying out a survey and sampling the opinions of different males on the issue, it could be seen that there are a plethora of reasons why men do what they do – cheat.

Abayomi, a student; lent his voice to this as he said, “most times, men cheat for fun, for bragging rights amongst peers particularly, but not limited to the school set up”. To be prominent and considered social, you just have to lead a promiscuous life on campus. As ridiculous and funny as this may look, it is statistically true – as on the average, most boys in the university would have been in at least four relationships before graduating and only two in ten of those relationships end in actual marriages. He wasn’t wrong after all!

How about Kingsley, a married man with 15 years of ‘working experience’. In his words, “men are visual beings and men, often times, marry for peace of mind and happiness, but much sooner than later. Inasmuch as these qualities are quite good, they can’t alone sufficiently satisfy the man.”

Buttressing this point is Femi, who says a man ultimately makes a choice of wife primarily based on these homely qualities. But why not stick to these qualities and characters you desired before marriage? You now go for something else, something more catchy and more appealing to the eyes than it is to the heart. But most times, you can’t blame these men one hundred percent, can you? So Femi says.

It is a fact that about 70 percent of women with amazing body physique tend to lose that body shape one year into marriage, they tend not to pay attention to their looks anymore as much as they did when single. They feel their husbands are obligated to stay faithful to them even though they look like trolls and garbage trucks. But what do I know anyways, this is just the opinion of Femi, a married man with two kids – he surely had something to say, didn’t he?

Relatedly, Franklin believes lack of attention and availability are the most cogent reasons men cheat. Verbatim, in his words – “I will gladly cheat on any woman who is not readily available most times and never pays me much attention, no caps, no apologies”.

Practically you can agree with him cos, in a society filled with feminism, every woman is trying to prove a point, a point of independence; kcausing them to some times, work doubly hard so much so that, they give much time to what is not so important and less time to what really matters. They are so engrossed with work, never having enough bonding time with their partners – starving the poor men of attention.

But here’s the thing, there’s no vacuum in nature, and when things like this happen, without a shadow of doubt, these men will get that attention some where else which is surely not you, then he’s tagged a cheat.

Maybe Franklin is just been a man, trying to justify the male folks.

Considering cheating involves the two gender, hearing from both sides is ideal

Valerie, thinks most men are egocentric and crave for respect all the time, little things like – going home from that friends party when he told you to, to weightier things like letting him speak in public without interrupting him are of serious concerns to the man. Talking back at your man wouldn’t be so ideal if you intend keeping him glued and faithful to you. Nagging comes with disrespect as she says; so nagging for most of time, breaks the bond between you two slowly without you even noticing. Then that lady at work treats him with so much regard, fanning his ego daily, tell me who he’s going to spend more time with? Surely the lady at the office. This was Valerie’s analogy.

How about hitting the nail on the head, stating the fact as simple and clearly as it is, Sharon is of the opinion most men cheat simply because they don’t love you. Fifty percent of the all lovey-dovey partners tend to lose their connection six months – twelve months into marriage and merely become strangers just legally joined together.

Then what stops them from finding happiness else where, when they can’t find it with their partner – so more often than not, most men only do what is best for them.

Although the religious folks may disagree with this saying there’s no justification for infidelity and men who cheat are sinners and simply do not fear God. But what moral grounds do they have to say this, when even the pulpit is guilty too.

Well there are many sides to a dice, aren’t there?

People do different things for different reasons, though it may be tagged societally wrong because it brings hurt and pain to people. But then, people have their reasons for doing what they do, understanding this can go a long way in remedying cases of infidelity

It is true where there are no consequences for actions, abuse becomes even greater. Spelling out the consequences of cheating to men and following it to the latter, who knows, might just help checkmate their devilish desires

But then again, giving it a second thought, all men are dogs they say, but all dogs go to heaven; Walt Disney says too– the irony of life!

Yubedee Pyamene Anokari, is a contributor on the blog, an amazing content writer and entrepreneur. Currently a student of environmental studies at the University of Port Harcourt, an SDG advocate, passionate about personal growth and development.